Quoted

“And how many of the couples who manage to stay together for the long haul have done so by resigning themselves to sacrificing their eroticism on the altar of three of life’s irreplaceable joys: family stability, companionship, and emotional, if not sexual, intimacy? Are those who innocently aspire to these joys cursed by nature to preside over the slow strangulation of their partner’s libido?” (2).

 

“One can choose what to do, but not what to want” (46).

 

“The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur” (Quote from Jerry Seinfeld, 47-48).

 

Some of the quotes that have stuck out as I’m reading Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships.

And a picture just because…

image

 

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Body Language

He walked into the cabin, dripping rain water onto the floor. He pried the mud-covered boots off and hung his heavy coat near the door. He walked across the room to the fire, warming his hands and wiping the rain from his hair.

She was chopping vegetables for dinner, standing barefoot in the kitchen. She felt the curl of lust travel through her belly as he stripped his wet shirt off. Carefully put the knife down as he began pulling his pants off to dry. She hummed as she walked across to her man – standing in boxers with rain drops trailing his muscles. The flames of the fire warmed his bearded face and strong chest. She couldn’t help but touch.

She walked behind him, following his pensive gaze into the fire. Her hand trailed along his arm, stroking across his shoulder and upper back. The corded muscles relaxed beneath her touch. She circled and kissed his chest, tasting the salty mixture of rainwater and sweat. He smiled and grabbed her hips to pull her closer.

The kiss began as a brush of the lips to provide comfort. She pulled his shoulder to bring his lips to hers, tasting the rain again as she danced her tongue against his. She began to lean back and say something, but the grip on her hips tightened. He claimed her mouth in a deepening kiss that grayed her focus. She returned his kisses with increased fervor, stretching onto her toes and clawing his back to feel as much of his skin pressed against her as she could. Their tongues lashed and teeth nipped as the air shifted from a soft rain to a thundering, flashing storm of passion.

He fisted his hand in her tumbling blonde curls as his other hand cupped her ass, grinding her hips into his. She strained against him, rocking her hips into the rhythm of their tongues. He tore his mouth from hers and ripped her shirt off her head. He sighed in pleasure at the sight of her tits bouncing in the light of the fire. He dipped to greedily suck at her perky breasts, catching his teeth on each budding nipple to hear her soft moans. Her head fell back in pleasure, already lost in the sensations he was creating within her body. Her hands clenched his back as his teeth scraped against her aching nipple. She felt the pulsing pleasure growing in her pussy and moaned at the knowledge that she’d be dripping wet when he touched her.

She pulled his face away from hers to slide her tongue along the groove of his neck, nipping the skin where it tightened against his collarbone. Grinding her hips into his, she kissed and sucked every inch of his massive chest. Her hands explored his lower back and ass as she returned to his mouth for a wet and talented plunder.

He lifted her hips and pushed her against the wall, feeling her legs wrap around his waist. He watched her eyes glaze in pleasure as he thrusted into her open hips, grinding his aching cock against her jeans. Her swollen lips found his again.

She pushed against his shoulders until he dropped her back to the floor. She slid out of her jeans in seconds and knelt to pull his boxers out of her way. She hummed in pleasure as she freed his cock, gripping the base as she looked up into his eyes. She showed no hesitation as she greedily swallowed the head of his cock, sliding her tongue along the underside. She pulled his hips into her face, letting his cock slide in and out of her mouth. His cock slid deeper into her mouth with each thrust, wet with her spit. She moaned in pleasure when his cock hit the back of her throat, looking up into his eyes with her mouth full of him. She slid her hands from his hips to his balls to cup each ball and tease the sensitive skin. She sucked the tip of his cock, sliding her tongue around the head and humming against his skin. She dipped to take each ball into her mouth. She sucked lightly as she stroked her hand up and down his shaft. Her obvious pleasure in sucking his cock made him moan as he watched her head bob and dip. She returned to his cock and slid her hands back to his hips. She began pulling his hips to thrust his cock into her, demonstrating how she wanted him to move. He gripped the back of her blonde curls and began to thrust his hips. When her moans grew in intensity, he increased his pace until he was almost slamming his cock into her mouth. She swallowed him with a heavy moan as she began fingering her clit to the rhythm. Her eyes closed as she circled her clit in pace with his thrusts and bucking her hips in pleasure. She freed herself from everything but the moment, focusing on the sensation of his cock sliding down her throat as her fingers played in the wetness of her pussy. He groaned in pleasure and pulled out of her mouth quickly, unwilling to let this passion end so quickly.

She knelt back and kept her eyes on him as she pulled her dripping fingers from her pussy and licked them clean, using her other hand to pull and pinch her nipple.

He watched for a moment before he could not control it – he pushed her onto her back. He feasted on her skin, trailing his tongue along the grooves of her stomach as his hands replaced hers on her tits. He cupped and fondled each breast in turn as his head trailed down her waist. He kissed each thigh, pulling them apart and holding them open. He paused to look up at her flushed face and willing body, waiting for the pleasure he was sure to give. He dipped his head as he pulled the outer lips of her pussy apart to reveal her wet and aching clit and inner lips. He licked her clit, circling it in the same pattern she fingered only shortly before. She brushed her fingers through his hair and gripped in pleasure as his tongue and teeth teased her clit. She felt his tongue dip into her pussy, felt his hands roughly pull her legs up over his shoulders to give him better control. She was powerless in his grip as the powerful clutches of her orgasm began to build. The pressure pulsed in growing intensity as his tongue ravished her clit. Her moans grew as the first orgasm ripped through her. She ground her hips into his face as the waves of pleasure pulsed through her body.

Before she could recover, his cock replaced his tongue. He circled the tip around her pussy, watching her hips strain in response even as the last of her orgasm was flowing through her. He gripped her hips and thrust his cock deep inside her, pausing to feel her stretching around him. He pulled out slowly to the tip of his cock, then slammed back into her. He repeated this pattern to the sounds of her moans, feeling every inch of her pussy pull his cock in deep. She ground her hips into him, encouraging him to pick up speed with each deep thrust.

It wasn’t enough. She craved the pressure of him slamming into her pussy, pounding into her hips. She pulled away and flipped over, kneeling on all fours before him. She grinned over her shoulder and shook her ass, encouraging him. He pulled up onto his knees as he positioned himself behind her, gripping her ass and sliding the head of his cock back into her pussy. He pulled her hips back into him so her pussy slid back onto his cock, thrusting as he pulled. He began a tortured pace of sliding her back into his thrusting hips so his cock thrust into her pussy with growing hardness. She moaned louder as his hips rocketed into hers, loving the sensation of his cock rippling along every ridge in her pussy. She knew the orgasm was building but couldn’t resist spurring him faster by bucking her hips in impatience. He almost growled in response and began pumping her hips faster and faster, whipping in and out of her pussy. The combination of speed and force pushed her over the edge. She moaned what was more like a scream as an intense orgasm exploded. She couldn’t catch her breath as his thrusting kept pace through her orgasm, pulling her hips into him even as her pussy pulsed in waves of orgasm. She could do nothing more than moan as the pleasure continued to immobilize her.

He slapped her ass once as he pulled out to the tip of his cock. He slowed his pace to a tortuously slow thrusting, sliding out slowly only to slide back in until his hips ground against hers. He slapped her ass again when she bucked her hips in response. She wasn’t as quick to adapt to the slowed pace, aching for his pounding pressure once more. She sighed as she felt the ridges of his head slide into her pussy again, grinding against her G-spot before sliding out once more. His slow thrusting was just as powerful when he coupled it with a hand reaching to tease her clit. He circled her clit with his fingers as he thrust into her pussy, feeling her body tense and react around him. He knew she was building to another orgasm by her desperate moans and pulsing body. He pinched her clit and then circled it quickly as his cock maintained the slow, heavy thrusting. She slipped through the barriers of another orgasm, feeling the waves of sensation slam into her in rhythm with his thrusts.

As her body recovered from another orgasm, she pulled away once more. She pushed him onto his back this time, straddling his hips and sinking down onto his cock. Wet with her juices, his cock slid right into her G-spot as she rocked her hips against his. She cupped her own breasts as she began to ride him. Her hips grew faster and faster as she bucked on top of him, stretching her fingers across her nipples. Her hands slid into her hair as she completely let go and rode him in abandon. Bucking her hips, feeling his cock slam into her G-spot, she felt powerful and alive. She ground her hips into his, feeling the movement in her clit. She felt him cling to the last strands of control as she bounced on his cock. She bent forward to drop her nipples into his eager mouth and slide her pussy to the very tip of his cock and back down again. She slapped her hips up and down, keeping the frenzied pace she began. She leaned back to look him in the eye while she bucked over him. Again, she reached for her breasts. She pounded and grinded until she could feel him on the very egde of his orgasm. She paused for a moment to look at him, smiling, before she bounced up and down the length of his cock. She could feel his legs gripped in the last moments of pre-cum and moaned in pleasure. His hips strained away from the floor as he began to cum. He thrusted and released his cum into her aching pussy as she ground her hips in pleasure. She hummed as he grunted and released the final spurts of cum. She ground her hips gently a few more times, then stopped as they both caught their breath.

She looked down at him and smiled, realizing they’d yet to say a word. “Hello”, she said as she slid her hands across his chest once more.

 

Reading

I’ve mentioned reading a few books, so I thought I’d share a little more. I’m the type of person who likes to research and know as much as possible about whatever topic I’m focused on. I don’t know why it took me so long to make that connection with sex, but here I am.

My focus right now is not just sex, but more the idea that our sex life doesn’t have to be limited to just us nor just the way it’s always been. It can potentially open up for more partners or different styles of sex and still contain the love and passion we both crave. I’m picking books I’ve seen mentioned on other blogs or sites that cater to that topic.

I read Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships first. The title encompasses the book’s contents well – it’s a guide book. It lists all the various definitions and terms common in open relationships, it offers lists and information on the details of developing guidelines and limits in your relationships, it outlines some of the potential conflicts with this type of sexuality, and it includes many quotes and examples from real people who were surveyed for the book. If you’re familiar with the world of open relationships, this may not be the most exciting book. Even with my newb status, some of the content was predictable and expected. Still, I found it interesting to dive into the details and figure out what would work for me and what was out of my comfort zone. Hearing quotes and stories from real people was interesting as well. I found it to be a good starter book – goes well with the initial conversations of “maybe we want to try a threesome”.

I’m only chapters into Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships. I’ve seen this and The Ethical Slut mentioned on more than one blog, so I purchased both. The title hinted at a more academic approach to the topic, and I’ve found this to be true so far. It reads more as a research article in an academic journal than a casual novel. It might take some adjustment if you’re expecting another how-to novel, but I enjoy a more research-based approach than just a casual opinion. So far, the chapters are working very hard at disproving the general notion that monogamy is natural among humans and has been evident since the first human communities. The authors go into great detail about researchers like Darwin who have drastically changed human knowledge. I’m finding it to be a little lengthy and repetitive, but I’m an open audience. If I was someone who was completely for the idea of monogamy as natural and “right”, more convincing is necessary. Of course, someone like that may pass this book without a second glance. I’m interested to see where the authors go as the books progresses.

 

Progress

Progress is always slow going, but I wanted to highlight a couple things I’ve been attempting to improve in my general sex life. My problem has always been that sex is on a back burner most of the time – I have to consciously bring it to the front of my thoughts. When my husband, who always has sex boiling away on the front burner, makes a pass or attempts to get sexual, I used to just deny instead of giving myself a moment to get into a sexual mood. That’s led to a lot of rejection that I didn’t intend.

I have little choice but masturbation right now, but I’ve been doing more of it than normal. Granted, it’s limited to certain times of the day when people aren’t around, but it’s something. I bought some new silicone toys recently so I’ve been trying them all out 😉

I’m terrible at phone sex. I can’t get out of my head, I stumble over the words, and I ruin it. I’ve been treated to some really awesome phone calls where he narrates and leads me right up to an orgasm. I even tried to return the favor. My attempt was clumsy and got a D rating (I think that’s a little low – shouldn’t there be a beginner’s curve to these things?!), but it felt good to try something so out of my comfort zone.

I’ve caught a cold and lost my voice and just feel pretty awful today. We were messaging and he hinted at a phone sex session. I wasn’t in the mood at all, but instead of just shutting him down – I took a minute to try to relax and get myself in a better frame of mind. I still wasn’t at my best and I’m sure he could tell, but I felt better for accepting and taking part in something he wanted rather than saying no yet again.

All these little details add up to me feeling like I’m doing more than just saying I’m trying to change and that I accept his sexuality. It may be small, but I hope he can see the progress even if it’s at a snail’s pace.

I downloaded a couple more books on nonmonogamy and the likes. I really enjoyed reading the first book, and it opened me up to a lot of internal questioning and redefining what I actually wanted in our marriage, so I’m hoping continued research will pay out well for me. Research is my thing, so I’m going with it.

 

I haven’t felt motivated to write stories, but I’d like to try soon. I haven’t been keeping up here, so sorry! I will try to be better in the next few weeks.

Checking In

So our “separation” that isn’t what the name implies has begun. I miss the little moments we would have every day – the shared humor over some small reference on a television show or the sarcastic complaints about the town we lived in. I miss his touch and presence, I don’t feel as relaxed in the evenings without him. I miss being able to touch him – I knew that months without sex wouldn’t be fun but it sucks. of course.

I’m living with family for the time being so the shift from our own apartment where we could do whatever we pleased to having to hide my toys and muffle my moans is depressing. I’m finding it harder to shift into that frame of mind when one ear is always open for footsteps. I can only hope that all our ducks will be in a row quickly so I can move into an apartment.

I’m a total wimp with change. I don’t like it, I get overwhelmed, I just want to hide on the couch with a book. So adjusting back to the USA after years overseas and being bombarded with family updates and parties hasn’t been easy, but it’s getting better each day. Now I just need to find some friends…

 

We’ve always dealt with distance, so the internet has always been a friend in our relationship. I clam up badly when discussing serious things in person, so it’s always been easier to text or email our conflicts or discussions. He’ll actually get to hear my thoughts. (It’s no coincidence I started this blog and he’s my most faithful reader). We’ve been able to have some great conversations since I’ve flown home. We’ve started to dig into the possibilities of nonmonogamy and I feel like I’m a step away from diving into it. I’ll have to discuss the book I read, but it helped me iron out some of my thoughts and will continue to do so as I work through all the what-ifs and agreements we’ll come to before we take it out of the marital bed, so to speak.

 

The time difference and lack of privacy makes any kind of virtual/phone fun difficult. But we did have one awesome night so far. He called and just wowed me with his words. He talked me right into an orgasm, and then continued from there. Usually I’m shy on camera, but I don’t think I could have focused on the iPad if I tried with the magic wand to my clit and a dildo thrusting into my pussy. Hearing his moans on the other end was just about as perfect as you can get in this situation.

 

Not all that much has changed in this transition. I’m still stuck in the thinking stage of nonmonogamy and kink. I feel like I’ve been making great progress at changing my perspective and choosing understanding and appreciation over judgment, but jealousy is a bitch and she sneaks up when you’re least expecting her.

I’m working on a master list. I want to actually list out all the kinks and forms of nonmonogamy we’ve ever considered and try to sort them into three piles – willing to try, not interested right now, off the table. I’m planning to share them here once I’ve ironed it all out.

Bound

She sipped from her glass of wine as she pulled the covers off the bed. He had instructed her to clear the bed and turn the lights low. She stripped off her tank and panties, feeling the goosebumps grow on her skin. She was nervous and excited and chilled in the empty bedroom.

She laid on the bed and waited.

He walked into the room with the rope in his hands. Smooth black rope wrapped around his arm as he eyed her naked body. Approaching the bed, he asked her to kneel and place her hands in front of her. He began wrapping the rope around her chest, making loops and knots to wrap around the curves of her breasts. As his hands and the rope slid across her body, her nipples tightened with the sensations. He paused in his work to catch one nipple between his teeth. She caught her breath as he licked and teased the taught bud until it ached with pleasure. Her nerves began to melt away as he moved to the other nipple, licking and sucking it into a tight peak to match.

He returned to the rope, bringing it around and around her waist. He must have practiced the tying and knotting, because his movements were smooth and confident. As each wrap of the rope tightened around her, she felt the sensation of being trapped and at the mercy of his desires. She felt herself grow wet with anticipation, knowing she would be bound and helpless to resist.

When finished, the rope twisted to cup her full breasts and wrap across her waist. He lifted her hands above her head, wrapping them together with the remaining rope. He lifted her bound hands toward the ceiling, hooking the end of the rope onto a hook in the ceiling.

She was left kneeling with her arms bound above her head. He stepped back to view his work, smiling at the sight of her captive and waiting for his pleasure. She squirmed under his scrutiny. The waiting was a torture worse than being held in such a position – she knew he was prolonging the moment just to see how she would react. She swallowed her impatience and spread her knees wide, letting a glimpse of her pussy slide into view.

He stepped forward, remaining standing in front of the bed. He slid his hand from her collarbone down the center of her body, stopping just before he reached the pussy she had opened wide for him. Teasing, his hand traced light circles across her body until goosebumps reappeared on her porcelain skin. He slid his fingers across her nipples, pinching and pulling each lightly while she muffled a small moan. He kissed her, tangling his tongue quickly with hers. He pulled back just seconds later and walked out of the room without a backwards glance.

She hesitated, wondering what was coming next. They had agreed to the bondage, creating an environment where he was in control, but had not discussed the specifics of his plan for control. She was more curious than afraid, knowing his ultimate goal would be her orgasmic pleasure above all else.

As her thoughts were tumbling from one scenario to another, he returned with a strip of fabric in his hand. “I’m going to blindfold you, so you’ll be completely helpless. I will pleasure you how I want and how long I want. Do you understand? You can say no, you can scream, you can shake, but I will not stop unless you say the safe word.”

She nodded, turned on by his sense of authority. The feeling of being completely under his control was incredibly sexy. He stepped forward and covered her eyes with the sash, tying it securely around her head. She felt his hands drop away and tried to adjust to her blindness.

He continued to tease, dropping a hand down her arm as his lips tickled the skin at her hip. She felt his fingertips slide down her ass while his breath blew across her nipple. He wound his way around her body, teasing and touching until she was squirming in pleasure. She felt herself grow wet with anticipation as he pinpointed each pleasure spot across her body. He remained standing, so she couldn’t anticipate where his movements were going to be. A sudden slap across her ass made her jump, a passionate kiss left her lips swollen and pulsing, a quick tweak of her nipple left her straining against the ropes that bound her. It was impossible to sit passively through this assault on her body, yet she had no choice. She couldn’t see, couldn’t predict, couldn’t resist the sensations he expertly evoked. There was no pain, no humiliation, no command, yet she felt utterly surrendered beneath him.

She heard the click and buzz of a toy, and wondered which vibrator he had pulled out of their drawer. It was loud enough for her to suspect her favorite wand. Before she could prepare, the rumbly buzzing magic wand was thrust against her clit. She bucked in pleasure and surprise, feeling the restraints tighten around her wrists as she tried to pull her hands down. Kneeling with her legs spread, she had no layers between the vibrator and her sensitive clit. She couldn’t see when it would graze her or grind into her until she bucked again, so the combination of pressures left her panting in pleasure. She rocked her hips in response, able to do little else but moan as wave after wave of vibrations shot through her body. In no time, she felt the pressure of an orgasm begin to build and quickly rip through her. She moaned and felt her thighs shake as she came, pulsing against the insistent vibrations.

When she would have stopped to softly stroke and return to normal, he continued pushing the magic wand against her clit with the pressure she craved. She moaned again, helpless to the buildup of another orgasm. He pushed her up over and over until she could do no more than pant and moan, feeling ripped open and covered in sensations. He pulled the wand away to let her catch her breath and regain some sense of awareness. She knew if he could see her eyes they’d be glazed with pleasure and out of focus. The absence of sight had only heightened the sense of touch, feeling every tingle spread through her body with increased awareness was incredible and overwhelming.

He waited a few more moments. “Are you ready for the next challenge? You’re going to ride me.”

He waited for her dazed nod, then gently helped her stand in a crouched position on the bed. He laid between her open legs, positioning them in a reverse cowgirl pose. “Now slide my cock into your aching pussy” He said as he guided her hips into his lap.

He eased the tip of his cock into her swollen folds, waiting for her to sink fully onto him. He let out a groan as her pussy engulfed his throbbing cock, sliding smoothly down his length. She unsteadily began to rock, adjusting to the inability to use her hands. She slid her pussy slowly away from his cock before quickly engulfing him once more, slamming back and taking him in deeply. She began to thrust with more force, rocking her hips forward and back with growing speed. The orgasms from the magic wand left her clit sensitive and swollen, so each thrust caused waves of sensation as her clit grazed his skin. She felt another orgasm building so quickly, she slowed to lengthen the experience. Her sole focus was on the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of her aching pussy. He must have felt her hesitation to rush into another orgasm. He slapped her ass playfully. “No slowing down now” he said as he grasped her hips and roughly rocked her over his cock. When the unstoppable orgasm ripped through her again, he kept her hips moving at a quick pace as she moaned and arched over him. She continued to thrust herself into his cock over and over until orgasm after orgasm ripped through her. Each time she slowed in pleasure, his hands guided her over the wave of orgasms. The pace was fast and nonstop – pushing them both towards an incredible climax.

He groaned as he grew closer. “I’m so close. Don’t stop, just go” He said as he slid his hands down her damp back. She began to buck at a frenzied pace, desperate to bring them both to orgasm and unable to think past the incredible waves of pleasure drowning her. She thrust and slammed back into him, taking his cock out to the tip and deep into her pussy again and again. She could hear his quiet groans in the background of her reality, somehow knowing he was close to cumming as her own orgasm built to overflow. With a moan of surrender she bucked into the crashing orgasm, feeling his hands grip her hips as he buried his cock deep inside her pussy. She felt the tremors of his cock as he shot his cum into her, thrusting her hips as she felt his cock straining to release every last drop. His hands slacked and slid across her ass, sliding up her back and comforting as they breathed heavily.

As their breathing slowed, she could feel his hands sliding appreciatively around her body, feeling the contrast of smooth skin and tight rope. She continued to sit atop him, waiting for his next move. He reached towards her face, removing the blind fold and laying back again. She blinked against the light, letting her eyes adjust to the room once more. She looked over her shoulder at his face, the grin split across his lips.

“Maybe I should just leave you here for a while” He playfully joked. She rolled her eyes and strained against the ceiling hook.

He laughed and carefully slid out from under her and began to unwrap the rope. As the sensation returned to her hands and the places where the rope had touched tingled with sensitivity, she said “Maybe next time I should tie you up instead”

He grinned again as he wrapped the rope back into a neat pile. “Does that mean you enjoyed yourself?”

She sighed as she laid across the bed, spent and exhausted from so many orgasms. “Enjoy isn’t the word for that kind of experience. Ask me when I come back from the dead” She heard his laugh as he sprawled against her side, pulling her close as they lay across the bed. She sighed in contentment and knew she’d be researching rope configurations as soon as she found her energy again.

Opening Up

I’ve said it before and I’ll always say it – reading is my way to experience the world, learn new things, and explore possibilities.

So when considering drastic changes in my sex life, it’s no surprise I turn to reading blogs and books. I’ve tried a handful of the typical love, marriage, and sex guide books. Nothing ground breaking, nothing I couldn’t have figured out without skimming the pages.

For some reason, I assumed the non-monogamous side of sex wouldn’t be so wide spread in published books as it has been for me in blogs. Through reading, I’ve found a few books mentioned here and there that speak about open relationships.

I have a very long flight coming up so I decided it was time to download one and give it a shot. This is one of those times the Kindle is amazing. I’d never be caught dead with self-help books or erotica in my hands in public, but I can have a Kindle filled with both and no one will ever be the wiser.

I’m excited to share what I think about it once I finish! Maybe my husband will give it a look and share his thoughts with me as well. Books are one place we have no problem connecting. You should hear our hours long discussions on the Game of Thrones novels!