Freedoms

I’m moving away from my husband for three months in preparation for the big life changes we have coming our way. I started to say it’ll be a separation, but that word in the context of our marriage seems wrong. It’s not like a separation leading to a divorce. I’m moving ahead of time to start the next phase of our lives so we will, literally, be separated.

No marriage is perfect, and ours is no exception. We’ve been through the ups and downs of figuring out how the hell to live with another person and make it all work. One of our biggest problem areas was and continues to be our sex life. Shy virgin and man who knows what he likes may sound great in the books, but the transition from that to a happy sex life is a rough one. Especially with real life hang ups and personalities.

Part of the reason I started this blog is because I don’t know what the hell I want. Orgasms, yes. But besides that? The little things that turn me on, the kinks I’d like to try, fantasies I’d like to fulfill – blank. I stayed in my little bubble and pretended I didn’t need to learn all of that to sexually satisfy myself or my husband.

You can guess how that went…

 

So I’m taking this couple of months on my own to explore. I want to dig into my brain and figure out what makes me tick. I want to continue reading and talking and sharing experiences. I want to attempt to meet people who I might be able to share these things with, friends who won’t shy away from talking about sex. I want to explore myself and my desires and use that knowledge to make a better marriage.

I’m hoping to write more to explore myself. I’m already reading more about other people’s sex lives than I imagined I would find interesting. I’ve got some new sex toys waiting to be played with. I’ll get to work on my virtual sexy skills by texting and video chatting with my far away husband.

I have to say, it’s amazing to have someone so supportive of me figuring myself out. He’s basically given me a free pass to let go and experiment, figure out what I like and how we can incorporate it into our marriage. He takes every new experience at my pace even if it kills him. He is always there. It’s freeing to know that I can explore and find any kink imaginable and I know he will find a way to make it work. I’m afraid I’m not as naturally accepting as he is, but I can only hope this couple of months will help me expand and accept.